Terrible Realization

I realized today that I'm a bit of a sociopath.

I mean, when Nick died at the Land of Make Believe, I threw up all right. But it was because it was a disgusting sight, not because I'd lost a family member.

Again with my parents' deaths.

I was thrilled with my harming of other people at her behest, whether they deserved it or not.

Sure, I've missed Nick. But it's because I had fun messing with him, you know. Picking on him. Roughing him up. Also, he was a convenient second player so I didn't have to play video games alone.

I went along with what the Witch wanted. I only doubted her and got mad at her and refused to do what she wanted anymore because she had lied to me, used me for her own ends. I even KILLED for her. In fact, my anger is the only reason I've been calling her the "Witch."

Something's wrong with me. Something is very, very wrong.

I see that now, but I don't know if there's anything I can do.

You know, I haven't even given much thought to the plight of my teachers and classmates! Only myself. And I used Stephen's inner humanity to free me from her grasp.

I only expressed regret in that post about my torture about what I'd done during the chaos caused by the Choir because I knew objectively it was bad. But I didn't and still don't really feel bad about it.

And I lied about why I flunked out of so many schools. It was mostly because I was bored.

I'm a terrible, terrible person.

What do I do!?

Maybe I am insane.